Does it really matter?

Does it really matter?

God carries us through life’s journey no matter how hard things seem to be. I have come to realize that without God, I would have been dead a long time ago; it would have been by the hands of someone or by my own. For the first eleven years of my life, things were done to my body sexually that gave me the impression that anything can be done to me, and the violations would be acceptable. "Does it really matter?" This would be the question I asked to myself when I was molested, raped or beaten. Who cared about a grown man violating the body of a three-year-old little girl? Apparently, I felt like no one cared. I didn't have the confidence to open my mouth to tell anyone.

I didn’t speak up about what was going on, and sexual abuse became a reoccurring battle that would leave terrifying images and painful memories in my mind. I say that because sex became the focal point in my life. Being molested repeatedly by a family member, again by another man and then becoming pregnant from an act of rape took me into a life of promiscuous activity covered by more sexual activities and drug usage. Rape didn't stop there; multiple rapes had me tangled in a place where I had no self-worth. The only painful element missing was domestic abuse, but it wasn’t missing for long. It made an ugly appearance in my life.

Remembering how much pain I felt, I can look at every situation and be grateful for the fact that God never left me alone. I may have left Him several times, but He was there waiting on me to come to Him. I often thought that I didn't have a purpose in life. With selfish thinking, I couldn’t look outside of myself and see the bigger picture. “Why is this happening to me?” was the question that I asked daily. It never crossed my mind to think that God would later take the pain and put it on display for many to experience His grace, mercy and love. The purpose for it all causes women to ask themselves questions that bring them into the true knowledge of why they encounter painful obstacles.

Throughout life, it has been revealed to me that everything I’ve been through was never about me. It was about having the experience to help someone else through what seems to be a very impossible situation to survive. My life is about being transparent enough to help women that is going through or have experienced these situations see the realness of God, who He is and how He’s able to deliver. People will be encouraged and find strength in the message. Child molestation, rape, along with all these other terrible things will no longer be swept under the rug. Woman (and in some cases men as well) has spoken up and realized that their lives really does matter!